Once upon a time, Tyrese Gibson was a master MAN-ipulator who would sneak around behind his girlfriends’ backs in order to whet his ravenous appetite for T&A. If his girlfriends started to suspect anything, he’d turn into a MAN-gician, pulling out all the stops to dazzle himself back into their good graces and convince them of his MAN-ogamy. It didn’t matter if the woman was hot, smart, successful, and great in bed. Once he got what he wanted from them, he’d move on. Tyrese cites the Tyler Perry classic, Why Did I Get Married?, to explain his logic: “men are going to get 80 percent of what they need in a relationship, yet when a new woman comes around offering that other 20 percent, most men will be ready to leave the good thing they have.”

But Tyrese is no longer the man he used to be. He’s found himself a good MAN-tor in Reverend Run and now sees the error of his ways. In fact, Tyrese and Rev want to help women so that they don’t choose the wrong guy off the MANu, and they’re willing to break the MAN code to do it. Presented in two different fonts so there’s no confusion as to who is giving the advice, Manology will probably hit close to home for some of you. There will be some hard truths you ladies need to face.

I’ve culled the four most important lessons from Manology for your consideration even though they might upset you. Because it’s like Tyrese says, “If I’m not striking that nerve, then I’m not being a good friend.” And ladies, I am your friend. So if you want to know more about how to find and keep a MAN, take a deep breath and keep reading. These insights are deep.

Lesson #1: Get laid.

But don’t be a skank. That’s nasty. No, I’m talking to women who are already in a relationship. If you’re not going to keep that fire going, how can you expect to keep your man?

Corinthians states, “…defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

Basically that means that if the other person is in the mood, you have to be ready to go too. You are allowed to jointly decide to take a break from sex for a determined length of time, but otherwise you have to be sexually on call 24/7.

Don’t hate. It’s in the Bible.

Lesson #2: Size does matter.

Missy may have sang, “I don’t want no one minute man,” but Tyrese insists, “Maybe you do.” Guys who can’t last long in the sack probably just really, really like you. Instead, he says you should be worried about guys with too much stamina. I’m mostly talking to you ladies who didn’t follow the stipulations set in Lesson #1:

[T]here are some of you out there…who have experienced a little too much activity. To the point where you wonder, “How is this guy lasting that long?” Well, the answer is, “He ain’t feelin’ nothing.” He’s basically pumping air. No disrespect, and not to make anyone feel insecure about their bodies, but a man should feel something…One of my boys even told me, “Man it felt like I was in an open window!”

If your window is open, just remember: he’s not trying to make you feel insecure, okay?

Lesson #3: Suck it up.

This one goes out to the African-American community: statistically speaking, y’all are in a crisis. Especially you women. And in a crisis, you have to do things you wouldn’t normally be caught dead doing:

[M]y prescription for working through the black marriage crisis that we are currently experiencing is for women to [suck it up]. It is not an easy thing to do, but women need to accept that they might not get exactly what they’re looking for or deserve at first. … I understand that getting dumped on in a relationship is much harder to deal with than getting dumped on at work. I am, however, going to encourage you to keep working with that man.

Mind you, you shouldn’t be with a total loser. But if your man is just kind of a loser, well…it’s better than being single, right?

Lesson #4: Listen to Chaka. Be every woman.

Remember the 80/20 quote? If you can’t be every woman for your man, you have no business wanting to settle down:

Sure, you want a man to be with you and you alone, but can you handle all of him? Can you handle all of his needs and desires being directed right at you and no one else? Can you handle the duties and expectations that come from being his only source of femininity? … When one of our kids has kept you up all night, but I still need you to to be the one that takes her to school in the morning so I can keep my appointment with my trainer, will you be that woman?

If the answer is no, don’t be surprised when your man finds himself a woman on the side.

Some of this may have made you ladies mad, but that’s a good thing. The truth hurts. Now that the hard part is over, you need to let it soak in. Steep in it for a while, because these men have been there and they know what they’re talking about. And then, if you’re ready to take it to the next level, read the book. This was just the tip of the iceberg.


Melissa reads a lot and is obsessed with Dexter and Mad Men. She talks nothing but books at The Feminist Texican [Reads].
  • I didn’t realize the Onion was publishing books now.

  • Dana

    I refuse to believe this was real..nope..nope..nope

  • T.



  • First, Limp Bizkit is a trending topic on twitter, now this! I’ve read some pendejadas before, but when a so-so R&B singer explains a book citing a Tyler Perry movie, I… I… I just don’t know anymore.

  • Cil

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Wooo! There really are no words for this mess. All I can do is laugh loudly and pray that no woman (or man for that matter) buys into this foolishness.

  • Don’t hate. It’s in the Bible.”


    i love how there’s an entire genre of earnest misogynist c-list celebrity relationship advice givers.

    • C-list? So I guess co-starring in Fast and Furious 6 and comprising one third of TGT is or starring in your own reality show… well yeah that’s pretty much the quintessential C-lister resume.

    • I’m just glad they expanded my vocabulary. My life was empty without “man-gician.” And “sexternship.”

      • what prompted you to read this, anyway?

        • I read a review that made it sound like a guaranteed LOL fest. And sure enough…

          Although by the end I’ll admit the novelty had worn off and I wanted to blow my brains out. Not gonna lie. lol

  • Gator

    *waits for review of Keith Sweat’s “Make It Last Forever” relationship book….THIS WAS GOOD!!!!

  • charlz

    Please tell me that this article is purely in jest!

  • This has to be an excerpt from The Onion. No, really. Can women actually fall for this nonsense? Just because some crooner and reality show personality wrote it? This is no different from the nonsense not written by Steve Harvey. And one day, I jokingly said I could write what men and women should do in 10 pages and did. Funny though, I’m not famous. Just a writer who actually did research.

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  • feministtexican, you have my sincere admiration for making it through this book. I’m thinking there isn’t enough alcohol in this world to enable me to get through it.

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