Humpday Hate: Stop F#cking Listening to Steve Harvey.

Brokey McPoverty on December 8th, 2010

This is my grown-up Christmas wish.

Apparently Steve Harvey and his mustache were so pleased with the reception of his first book on relationship success, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, that they’ve teamed up to write a second: Straight, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man.

Listen. Steve Harvey is on his third marriage, but he’s writing books telling other people — women, expressly — how to make a relationship work? Who told him he was qualified to teach women anything? More important, why does he assume that it’s the women who need the teaching? It must have been his ex-wives’ fault that his marriages didn’t work, huh? And nothing at all to do with his mustache hairs clogging up the sink? I am skeptical.

Here’s the thing. Steve Harvey doesn’t give a shit about your relationships. He just assumes that there are droves of women out there rolling their necks talking about how men ain’t shit and crying about all the good men being gone and he’s capitalizing on it. Cha-ching! Steve gets a nice little wad in his purple and red plaid double-breasted zoot suit pocket.

But I mean, in this recession I can only be so mad at somebody trying to get money. I just think there are more decent ways for Steve Harvey to do this in the literary fashion, perhaps by writing books such as:

“You Like This Suit, Playa?! Your Guide to Dressing Like a Black Comedian“
“”You Didn’t Gimmie Dat Awnsuh Cause Yo’ Mama Standin’ Right There??’: My Life and Times as the Host of the Family Feud“
“I Might Have Inverted Nipples, But I AM Somebody: How To Find the Confidence to Grease Yourself Up and Take Shirtless Pictures“

Just some thoughts. You’re welcome to any of those, Steve Harvey.

elledub

December 8, 2010 at 5:05 pm · Reply

not only is his on his third marriage but his third wife was his mistress that he cheated with while married to his second wife….

Ramsin

December 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm · Reply

Thanks a lot for putting Steve Harvey’s pocket and the word “wad” in the same sentence.

Brandon

December 9, 2010 at 12:35 am · Reply

What part of the game is it that says when you get over 50 and on your 3rd wife (who ise to be you dip) you can now start coaching young women on the game.

I cant even listen to his show cause its so phony now

MH8D

December 9, 2010 at 8:19 pm · Reply

He’s country and his suits are wack, but in Steve Harvey’s defense, he doesn’t claim to be a relationship expert, just an expert on being a man. Rather than giving advice on how relationships should work, he’s offering insight into what men think and what motivates them. Certainly, a fifty-something year old man that’s been around the block a few times is qualified to do that; and women listening to Steve Harvey can’t be any dumber than women listening to their single girlfriends, with regard to the subject of how men think about women and relationships.

Michael

December 27, 2010 at 8:16 pm · Reply

I have to tell you that I totally agree with this post…Unfortunately, it seems (to me at least) that the vast majority of folk who get publicity for their projects are wack! (True, every now and again, someone can sneak through who offers something intelligent to say…but on the whole…mediocrity seems to rule the day). I just feel sorry for the poor schleps who are laying out their hard earned coins on that crap…I can’t even stand to hear Steve Harvey’s voice…I couldn’t imagine reading anything that he would write.