Humpday Hate: Stop F#cking Listening to Steve Harvey.

This is my grown-up Christmas wish.

Apparently Steve Harvey and his mustache were so pleased with the reception of his first book on relationship success, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, that they’ve teamed up to write a second: Straight, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man.

Listen.  Steve Harvey is on his third marriage, but he’s writing books telling other people — women, expressly — how to make a relationship work?  Who told him he was qualified to teach women anything?  More important, why does he assume that it’s the women who need the teaching?  It must have been his ex-wives’ fault that his marriages didn’t work, huh?  And nothing at all to do with his mustache hairs clogging up the sink?  I am skeptical.

Here’s the thing.  Steve Harvey doesn’t give a shit about your relationships.  He just assumes that there are droves of women out there rolling their necks talking about how men ain’t shit and crying about all the good men being gone and he’s capitalizing on it.  Cha-ching!  Steve gets a nice little wad in his purple and red plaid double-breasted zoot suit pocket.

But I mean, in this recession I can only be so mad at somebody trying to get money.  I just think there are more decent ways for Steve Harvey to do this in the literary fashion, perhaps by writing books such as:

Just some thoughts.  You’re welcome to any of those, Steve Harvey.

Brokey McPoverty

Brokey McPoverty, aka Tracy Clayton, is a writer and humorist from Louisville, KY. She currently writes for BuzzFeed and lives in Brooklyn. Follow her on Twitter.

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  • elledub

    not only is his on his third marriage but his third wife was his mistress that he cheated with while married to his second wife….

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  • Ramsin

    Thanks a lot for putting Steve Harvey’s pocket and the word “wad” in the same sentence.

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  • Brandon

    What part of the game is it that says when you get over 50 and on your 3rd wife (who ise to be you dip) you can now start coaching young women on the game.

    I cant even listen to his show cause its so phony now

  • MH8D

    He’s country and his suits are wack, but in Steve Harvey’s defense, he doesn’t claim to be a relationship expert, just an expert on being a man. Rather than giving advice on how relationships should work, he’s offering insight into what men think and what motivates them. Certainly, a fifty-something year old man that’s been around the block a few times is qualified to do that; and women listening to Steve Harvey can’t be any dumber than women listening to their single girlfriends, with regard to the subject of how men think about women and relationships.

  • Michael

    I have to tell you that I totally agree with this post…Unfortunately, it seems (to me at least) that the vast majority of folk who get publicity for their projects are wack! (True, every now and again, someone can sneak through who offers something intelligent to say…but on the whole…mediocrity seems to rule the day). I just feel sorry for the poor schleps who are laying out their hard earned coins on that crap…I can’t even stand to hear Steve Harvey’s voice…I couldn’t imagine reading anything that he would write.

  • bootsie

    Really? Women don’t need a book to find men! How stupid! Men are everywhere and they are always looking!

  • Valsays

    I couldn’t with those book titles LMAO I wasn’t ready, and now my stomach is cramping from laughter.

  • Pam

    Women need to stop allowing men to tell us how to do something. We need women to teach us, not men.
    Besides, men would not allow a woman to tell them about being men. Does he have a vagina

  • Beryl

    And you know what else. Women need to stop letting men think you are that desperate that you need instructions on how to get a man.
    Go on and live your life and if a man comes along, good, otherwise stop looking and acting so darn desperate. And stop putting your mouths on their genitals. They really do lose respect fot you after you do that. Try not doing it for a bit and see how ugly he gets to you. This will show you part of the truth.
    He don’t want you unless you giver him some head. 8-22-13