Your Monday Random-Ass Roundup: The One Where We Don’t Talk About Tiger Woods.

Happy Monday, everyone! I’m here to take care of you all this week, since Blackink is on his way down to Louisiana. And speaking of Louisiana, here’s James Perry, NOLA mayoral candidate, in a recent campaign ad.

It seems things are a little different down south.

And by the way, if you’re looking for links to thoughtful writing about the Tiger Woods incident, you won’t find any…because as far as I’m aware, there isn’t any. But if you’ve come across something that doesn’t joke about woman-on-man domestic violence, bring up the interracial marriage element, or use the incident as an excuse to call women crazy, please drop the link in the comments.

1. With that said: forget the silly controversy surrounding Tiger Woods’ car crash and the subsequent fallout. Did you notice, as Michael Tomasky did, the excellent grammar in the statement he released to the press? (Blackink)

2. I’m shocked, SHOCKED, that the White House state dinner with the Prime Minister of India was crashed by reality show ‘stars’. Honestly, the B-list celebs were bad enough. Blair Underwood, I’m looking at you. And the Daily Beast notes that none of Desiree Rogers staff, who would have verified guests, were at checkpoints. Plus, the fact that Rogers attended the event as a guest, not staff, may be a sign that the social secretary post is on its way out. Bonus: Anna shares her take on the whole ‘fustercluck’ over at Sepia Mutiny. (shani-o)

3. And the Salahis, the couple who crashed, backed out of their scheduled interview with Larry King tonight so that they could sell their story for a few hundred thousand dollars. Stay classy, guys. Also at the White House dinner, an Administration aide used the occasion to pop the question to his Desi girlfriend. (She said yes.) (G.D.)

3. And speaking of reality TV, according to James Wolcott, it’s destroying pop culture. (belleisa)

4. Latoya Peterson and Kate Harding talk about the work of scholar Deborah Findings on violence in pop culture lyrics. (belleisa)

5. John Ensign is going to talk about his affair with a staffer’s wife. (G.D.)

6. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg and former New Jersey Governor Thomas Kean said that Nadal Hassan’s rampage at Fort Hood may have been prevented had the FBI had access to background checks from gun purchases.”But in 2003, Congress began requiring that the records be destroyed within 24 hours. This requirement, one of the many restrictions on gun data …meant that Hasan’s investigators were blocked from searching records to determine whether he or other terrorist suspects had purchased guns. When Hasan walked out of Guns Galore in Killeen, Tex., the FBI had only 24 hours to recognize and flag the record — and then it was gone, forever.” Steve Benen agrees “…If the FBI is investigating someone who may have terrorist ties, that person will be put on a no-fly list. That same person, however, is free to purchase firearms, and the FBI will likely not know. In other words, those suspected of terrorist activity can’t buy a plane ticket, but they can buy a semi-automatic.” (G.D)

7. Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, America’s favorite anti-immigration overstepper, recently outdid himself. His staff forced a woman to give birth while shackled, and refused to let her hold her baby after it was born. Samhita at Feministing reminds us that Arpaio has been told to slow his roll by U.S. Immigration and Customs. (shani-o)

8. Meet former Houston Mayor Bill White, the man who once aspired to the Senate but now increasingly looks like the one who will challenge Rick Perry in the upcoming gubernatorial race. In a perfect world, this wouldn’t even be a contest. But we’re talking about Texas. (Blackink)

9. A quarter of American children are now fed using food stamps, a troubling fact that has also helped erode some of the stigma. But food stamps still only reach two-thirds of those eligible. (G.D.)

10. Far from being a fisking of the Prosperity Gospel (which I would certainly approve of), Hanna Rosin’s piece is a really interesting examination of the role it played in sustaining America’s culture of greed and disseminating it to the least advantaged. (Jamelle)

11. The Congressional Budget Office estimates that health care reform would lower costs by 20%. (shani-o)

12. DoubleX thinks, based on this article in NY Mag, that twentysomethings may be “anti-choice out of spite.” (belleisa)

13. Also from the great Texas Monthly, Cathy McBroom’s decision to fight back led to the first ever indictment against a federal justice on sex crimes. Here’s an example of the boorish behavior that she dealt with for years:”It became a predictable cycle: After several months of model behavior, the judge would suddenly make a move. Pin her against a wall. Grope her through her clothes. Tell her that he wanted to give her oral sex and have her return the favor. The following day he’d apologize, promising with a shrug that it would not happen again.” (Blackink)

14. Duke University is publishing the dissertation of one S. Ann Dunham (you may know her as the mother of our president). Titled Surviving Against the Odds: Village Industry in Indonesia, the book’s release will be celebrated with a session at the American Anthropological Association’s annual conference. (shani-o)

15. And speaking of our president, Politico posts a story about seven stories that Obama “doesn’t want told.” (shani-o)

16. Mike Penner, a Los Angeles Times sportswriter who made headlines in 2007 when he announced he was a transsexual, has died. Officials believe the cause of death was suicide. Amanda Hess explores whether we should remember Penner or Christine Daniels. (Blackink)

17. Serena Williams gets fined for her outburst at the U.S. Open. She has to pay $82,500, almost double what the last similarly offending player, Jeff Tarango, paid in the nineties. (G.D.)

18. Although you may not have $80,000 in disposable income, now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s time to start thinking about gifts! (I guess we’ll pretend that our local Targets and Macys haven’t had Christmas decorations up for the last month.) Have no fear, however. Mashable has a guide to the best gift guides! I think the universe just imploded. (shani-o)

19. But you might want to start your shopping here: Tatyana Fazlalizadeh, the talented young artist behind our banner, has an etsy shop where you can buy prints of her artwork. (G.D.)

20. Last, but not least, for your sonic pleasure: I’ve been banging two mixtapes nonstop lately. One, the Hood Internet has a dope mix with crazy-weird-awesome hip-hop-dancey-indie-pop mashups. Two, Lupe Fiasco shows his fans a little love by releasing a new mix, Enemy of the State. And it is good. (shani-o)

And don’t forget to check out our very own Jamelle as he guest blogs at The American Prospect this week.

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