Via Gawker’s American Idol recap, we get this hilarious aside on the R&B songstress:
Can we talk for a second about Alicia Keys? I know you’re on your lunch hour and you don’t have that much time, but I’d really like to talk to you about Alicia Keys. Why? That’s my big question with Alicia Keys. Why? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I keep on falling for that “I Keep Falling” song. And if I ain’t got “If I Ain’t Got You,” then I’m not doing too well. And no one doesn’t like “No One.” So I like A.Keys. But she’s not some Incredible Genius who writes Life-Changing Songs. And yet she’s sort of treated like that? I feel like every time she performs on something we’re supposed to clasp our hands and put them to our chests and shake our heads and make a little gasp and just be like “Now that is an artist.” You know what I’m saying? It’s all a bit silly. She’s a smart lady, went to fancy schmany Columbia and all that, but her lyrics are mostly very silly and she writes pop songs. Alicia Keys writes fun pop songs. But she’s not exactly Joan Baez. I mean, she plays the piano so she changed her last name to Keys. That kind of says it all for me. She’s one thing and we treat her like another thing and it’s just sort of funny. If Alicia Keys is a Legend then I am Mark Harmon. And despite my silvery gray hair and Naval crime solving, I am not Mark Harmon.
This is a headdesk moment, but I always just assumed that her last name was actually “Keys.” Like: “What an interesting and fitting coincidence!” Now I’m annoyed at myself. But more at her.