Our Basketball Jones. Here it Comes.

Like that, Bron-Bron? I had that long time ago.

Over here, in these precincts, there is no real choice when it comes to the Final Four and the NBA playoffs. One game is played by boys, the other by men.

Get that weak Butler stuff outta here, please. Championship teams – or runner-ups – do NOT shoot 34 percent when it matters most.

Unless they’re facing the Bad Boy-era Pistons.

And I don’t want to hear an argument otherwise.

So let’s celebrate the start of the best brand of hoop in the world. My sure-to-be-wrong prediction is that we’ll all be denied another chance at a Kobe vs. LeBron showdown in the championship.

But it’s probably for the best.

Instead, in a rematch of last year’s final, the Lakers will outlast the Magic in seven games. Bet it.

Along the way, we’ll find out if LeBron can will his mediocre band of teammates to the Finals. Other questions: will Kevin Durant claim a spot among the league’s top 5 players? Are the Mavericks and Nuggets and the Hawks for real? How badly will the Blazers go down without Brandon Roy? In which game will a Rasheed Wallace technical foul cost the Celtics a victory?

How much will my heart light up with joy when the Spurs bow out in the first round?

We’ll learn the answers to all these questions starting today. Consider this your chance to talk hoop.

Joel

Joel Anderson —blackink —  writes about sports, politics, crime, courts, and other issues far beyond his competence at BuzzFeed. He has worked at media outlets in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Atlanta and contributed to a number of publications, including The Root and The American Prospect, among many others.

Latest posts by Joel (see all)

  • I can’t believe you are predicting that a team that relies on Vince Carter is going to make it to the Finals.

    • blackink12

      It makes me ill too. But I still don’t see how the Cavs are better than the Magic this year. Orlando has shooters, slashers, bodies to throw at LeBron and Kobe and the best big man in the game.

      They can win in spite of Vince. And that’s what makes me feel okay about them.

  • Yep. The difference between this Magic squad and Vince’s Toronto and New Jersey teams is that even though he’s his team’s most gifted offensive weapon, this team has other ways to consistently get points.

    What’s so funny about his rep is that everything he does seems to reinfoce it. He was playing so poorly in the first half of the season that there was talk about benching him in favor of JJ Redick. When he started balling out after Jan. — and the Magic have been the best team in the League over the last three months — it was just more evidence of his headcase-itude. Like, why couldn’t he do this all year?

    • blackink12

      Vince is endlessly frustrating. I almost wonder if we’ve overvalued his talent because only occasionally can he bundle all of his gifts into a single performance.

      Like, he’s not a great shooter. He’s not a great ballhandler. He’s not even a good defender. He’s not tough (the most obvious of these observations). At this point, he’s nowhere near the leaper he was 5 or 6 years ago. So I don’t know why we’ve ever expected much out of him.

      For whatever it’s worth, when he signed with Orlando in the offseason, I actually thought the Magic were better off with Hedo.

  • boris

    Other questions: will Kevin Durant claim a spot among the league’s top 5 players? Too late. Are the Mavericks and Nuggets and the Hawks for real? Good questions, I say all have fatal flaws that mean 2nd round ceilings How badly will the Blazers go down without Brandon Roy? Not as quickly as I wish with Camby playing for a contract In which game will a Rasheed Wallace technical foul cost the Celtics a victory? One of the two where his missed threes and poor boxouts have already sunk them

    How much will my heart light up with joy when the Spurs bow out in the first round? I wouldn’t bet against a healthy Manu, just like I’m not betting against LeBron to take it all

    One thing for sure, productivity is plummeting

    • blackink

      Ok, fam. Let’s see about that top 5.

      We got LeBron, Kobe, Wade in some order as the top 3. But would you take Durant over Dwight Howard? Carmelo Anthony? Chris Paul (when healthy)? Steve Nash? Dirk Nowitzki?

      I think he’s top 10. But he ain’t in my top 5 until he becomes elite at some other skill, like D or rebounding. And it seems weird to say after a season in which he lead the league in scoring, but I still say that – right now – Carmelo is a more complete offensive player.

  • Mediocre bunch of teammates? Shaq is still a top five center. Antawn Jamison is still a solid scoring power forward.

    The 88-89 Cavs (the team that lost to Michael Jordan’s hanging, foul-line jumper) was the essence of team basketball. You never knew who would be hot on any given night. Harper, Daugherty, Price, Williams, Ehlo, Nance.. anyone could go off.

    These Cavs have a similar team-first attitude…and LeBron. LeBron is more Magic Johnson than Michael in my opinion because he actually trusts and sets up his teammates. LeBron could put up 35 every game but he doesn’t have to (unlike Kevin Durant). LeBron doesn’t have to be the man every night to win and that is why they will be successful.

    What part of best record in the league don’t you people understand?

    The Cavaliers are the most versatile team in the league. Their success or failure comes down to Mike Brown’s arrangement of his pieces. The Cavs can play small, the Cavs can play big…Pietrus and Lewis won’t be hanging out at the 3-point line.

    Ready the parade down Euclid Avenue. Cavs. In. 6. Good night LA. It’s been a pleasure.

    • While I’m more optimistic than blackink that we’ll see a Lakers/Cavs final, I think this is *too* rose-colored. Shaq is a top-five center in a league with only one consistently great pivot man. Bogut and Kaman and Bynum are all good players. But none of them are top-flight, all-world types. Shaq can be that for a few minutes a game, tops. He’s still a force in the paint but he’s a liability on defense.

      • Seanathan

        If the Cavs win, it won’t be because of Shaq. They’ll win because of all the little thing Sideshow Andy does around the basket – including flopping