Friday Random Ten: When It’s Better to be Seen And Not Heard.

For those of you who care about that sort of thing, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will host a little event we like to call the Oscars on Sunday.

But there’s plenty of time to debate the relative merits and criticisms of “Up in The Air” or “Precious,” which not-so-coincidentally are the only two best-picture nominees that I saw in ’09. This post is about music.

So while we’re feting the best actors and films of the previous year this weekend, let us take the time to remember that no one is awesome at everything.

President Obama can’t go to his right (and hoops in long sweat pants. C’mon, man). Michael Jordan is a mediocre NBA executive and was a worse baseball player. The Man Your Man Could Smell Like was a college football scrub (weren’t we all?). Taylor Swift really didn’t have a better video than Beyonce. And Elizabeth Warren is … well, she actually might be awesome at everything.

But really, when I’m in the shower, I swear I sound just like Tevin Campbell:

1. “Put Your Mouth on Me” by Eddie Murphy (Brokey)

2. “Mojo Priest” by Steven Seagal (Jamelle)

3. “Another Like My Lover” by Jasmine Guy (slb)

4. “Grazing in the Grass” by Raven Symone (Quadmoniker)

5. “Hooked on a Feeling” by David Hasselhoff (Belleisa)

6. “Just The Way I Planned It” by Phillip Michael Thomas (Brokey)

7. “I Don’t Wanna Be in Love” by Bruce Willis (Jamelle)

8. “Push It” by Tisha Campbell (slb)

And if one lead character from “Martin” isn’t enough for a mediocre remake of The Emotions’ “Don’t Ask My Neighbor,” how about adding another?

9. “You’re Speaking my Language” by Juliette (Lewis) and The Licks (Quadmoniker)

10. “Rumors” by Lindsay Lohan (Belleisa)

As a bonus 11th song, how about Tatyana Ali’s “Boy You Knock Me Out” (Blackink)?

Now for honorable mentions: “Nothing My Love Can’t Fix” by Joey Lawrence (Brokey); “Got Me” by She & Him – Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward (slb); Anything by Jennifer Lopez (Brokey); Anything by Eddie Murphy (Blackink); and almost anything by Jamie Foxx (Blackink)

As always, if you’ve got any suggestions, you know where to include them.

I promise we’ll spread some love next week. We could all use it.

Joel

Joel Anderson —blackink —  writes about sports, politics, crime, courts, and other issues far beyond his competence at BuzzFeed. He has worked at media outlets in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Atlanta and contributed to a number of publications, including The Root and The American Prospect, among many others.

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  • slb

    the thing that bothered me most about Tatyana Ali’s singing career was how blatantly her beats resembled other songs. the samples were so obvious.

  • Re. long sweatpants, give the man a break! He’s middle-aged and a father of two. Someday you’ll understand that the stuff you youngsters think is “cool” is all wrong.

    Also, get off my lawn.

    • it’s not just that he looks like a herb (although that’s def part of it). It’s also uncharacteristically unpragmatic of him. who balls in sweatpants? WPOTGIT?*

      Maybe POTUS is much more doctrinaire in his beliefs than we realized.

      *it’s not.

      • blackink

        Yeah. When someone comes to the court in pants, I almost always want them to go away. It’s distracting. If you want proof that he’s not a Real American, drop the birth certificate nonsense and hone in on that.

        We don’t ball in pants on the mainland, yo. Reggie Love shoulda told him.

    • Can you imagine the Fox News lede? “POTUS strips bare legs for B-Ball fans: save the children while you still can!” 😛

  • Now that’s some special music, lol.

    Tiffany
    http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com

  • Wow, that Tatiana video – her dancing and voice are just so mediocre I literally found myself thinking “Well, at least she’s pretty”

    • blackink

      What really hurt me about that is I had the crush of all crushes on Tatyana Ali in high school. I’m really sad that evidence of her music career even exists … I can’t think of her in quite the same way.

  • quadmoniker

    I remember watching an interview with Jasmine Guy at the time she was launching her music career, and I remember her saying she didn’t want to somebody be “on the back of Us magazine in a "Where are they now," feature. I think I remembered it because I knew this day would come.