This is Alex Tyus.
Alex Tyus, should you not recognize him, is a junior at the University of Florida. He is six-foot-freaking-eight, 220 lbs, and plays forward for the Gators. That is Alex Tyus, and this is his tremendously tragic hairline.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a receding hairline. It’s life. It happens. But what should not happen is that one lone little dreadlock stranded in the middle of his head, an island amid a broken shoreline of scalp lapping at what remains. It kind of looks like a crowd of people in a stadium trying to do the wave, but they can’t get it together because the guy trying to start it has had one too many brewskis since it was free beer and hot dog night. Sure, the actual dreadlocks are nice, but at this point, they’re just like big neon green arrows directing everyone’s attention to the situation up top.
Let it go, Tyus. Do anything else. If your locks mean that much to you, you don’t even have to throw them away when you cut them off. Make a pom-pom out of them. Give ’em to your mom with a complimentary can of oil sheen to keep them shiny and let her shake them with all her might and fury as you shoot down the court with your new streamlined head.
You’ll be a better player for it. And a better man.
